


the greed calls out my name

by sodelicate



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Existential Crisis, Gen, Gun Violence, Letter fic, M/M, Psychological Horror, Suicidal Thoughts, but it's happy i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodelicate/pseuds/sodelicate
Summary: Rin, one of the few immune to the Disease, staves off the loneliness of being kept in a research facility by writing a series of letters to his friend Sousuke.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin & Nanase Haruka, Matsuoka Rin & Yamazaki Sousuke, Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka, Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, hence i tagged them as romantic and gen, the relationships are kinda ambiguous & complicated
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	the greed calls out my name

**Author's Note:**

> just a few notes before you proceed to read this:
> 
> 1\. as mentioned in the tags, this fic is mostly written in the format of a series of letters. there will be timeskips in between each letter, so the assumption is that rin actually wrote a whole lot more letters but i just chose to show the few that are important to the plot.
> 
> 2\. this fic also gets _really_ dark. the appropriate warnings are in the tags so please read those and proceed with caution.
> 
> 3\. at certain points in the letters, rin will switch from 'you' to 'he'. this is intentional, much to the delighted horror of my beta.
> 
> 4\. rin's birth year is 1996 here. i took the year free! premiered (2013) and subtracted 17 (his age when the show started) and that's how we ended up with 1996. 
> 
> 5\. the first episode of free! premiered on 4 july 2013. this will be important.
> 
> 6\. pay attention to the dates that precede each letter.
> 
> enjoy! :)

_February 3rd, 2003_

_Sousuke:_

Hey, how you doing? I'm doing… Honestly speaking, I'm not sure how I'm doing. 

I wish I could’ve told you where I am. But I don't know where I am. I don't know where my sister is. I don't know where you are. All I know is that some man in a white coat called me an “Immune” and brought me here. 

I'm scared. No one answers my questions here. They just tell me to stay in my cell and be a good boy. It’s only been a few hours but I'm already lonely. I don't know if there are any other kids around.

It’s so quiet in here. Nothing changes. The walls are grey, and they’re cold when I touch them. No windows or a clock, either, so I don't know what time it is. Is it time for me to eat? To sleep? Right now, would it be time to go for swim practice?

I wish you were here, Sousuke. At least there would be someone to talk to. 

But if you were here, you’d be miserable, and I wouldn't like that.

Sigh. I'm being such a downer, am I? And I just keep talking about myself. Sorry.

Hope you and your family are OK. Just follow what the people on TV tell you: stay inside your home, wash your hands, and don't go near an Infected. I know you'll be fine, Sousuke, ‘cause you're strong.

When the scientists find a Cure (and they promised they would, that's what I remember they said on the TV broadcast last week) and everything’s back to normal and I get to leave this place, let’s swim together again, OK? And I'm gonna beat you, so prepare yourself!

_Rin_

* * *

_March 13th, 2003_

_Sousuke:_

Hope you're still doing OK and that you received my previous letters. I hope I'm not bothering you with my letters? Maybe you can't write back ‘cause you're stuck at home and can't go to the post office. But it’s OK! I’ll just write enough for the both of us.

I wonder what I should do. There really is nothing in this cell except for this scrapbook and pencil I'm writing with. They didn't even let me bring my PSP. No idea where it is.

Oh, I know! Lately, I’ve been playing this game when I'm really bored. It’s called the Imagination Game! In this game, I like to imagine what we’d be doing right now if I wasn't stuck in this place. 

Still don't have a clock here, so I'm just gonna guess and say it’s… 3pm. If the Disease didn't happen, we’d be racing to the SC, and I would win, of course. I always do. Then we’d go for swim practice and race lots! I wanna say I’d beat you each time, but you're really fast too. 

But with the Disease around, I’d probably still be doing this even if I'm not stuck in this place. I would be stuck in my place, and you would be stuck in yours, and I’d be writing letters to you because I'm lonely without you. 

Actually, I would be calling you too, not just writing letters ‘cause that’s lame! It’d be nice to hear your voice again. The only people who speak to me are the adults in the white lab-coats. Doctors, I think that's what they are. I'm not sure why I'm in a place with so many Doctors. They said I'm an Immune, which means I can't be sick with the Disease, right? 

I don't understand anything that's going on. I don't even understand what they talk about! It’s all just some really complicated-sounding (finally figured out how to spell ‘complicated’!!) sciencey stuff. The only part I understand is ‘Cure’ and ‘Immune’. I wish I was older and smarter, then maybe I could understand what's going on.

I hear footsteps! OK, gotta go. I’ll write to you soon, OK?

_Rin_

* * *

_March 17th, 2003_

_Sousuke:_

They finally let me out of my cell today. They brought me to a room with lots of machines that look really scary and make really loud _WHIRR_ sounds, then strapped me down to a bed-looking thing and… I'm not really sure what happened next. They injected me with something, and I think I fell asleep ‘cause when I woke up I was back in my cell.

But that's not the important part. Sousuke, this place is _huge._ It might even be bigger than the school! The lift has 20 buttons, so that must mean there are 20 floors. That's a lot of floors! My cell is on the 4th one. 

And there are so many rooms too. Most of them look like the room the Doctors brought me to earlier, but there are some that look just like my cell. 

Strange thing is, the other cells are empty. Maybe it’s just me and the Doctors in this building. That's scary. I don't want to be alone in a huge building with all these Doctors. I wish there was someone else here I could be friends with. 

I wish you were here. You might even be safe from the Disease here. I'm Immune, and the Doctors make sure to keep this place very Clean, so I doubt there's any risk of catching the Disease here.

I'm worried about you. I hope you’d write back soon, so I know you're OK. You didn't get the Disease, right? I know you didn't. You're strong. The Disease is probably too scared to attack you, ‘cause you’d attack it first! Or maybe you're Immune like me!

~~… But if you were, then why aren't you here with me?~~

Anyway, there’s a drawing of the building behind this letter. Sorry it looks so boring, they don't have coloured pencils here. I tried shading so it looks like the manga we liked to read. Oi, don't make fun of it, OK? I tried my best.

Be seeing you soon, hopefully!

_Rin_

* * *

_May 19th, 2005_

_Sousuke:_

There's another guy here?? I swear I'm not making this up! His name’s Haru and _I've never seen him before._ And I've been here for 2 years! And the Doctors say he's been here for as long as I have! What?! Then how have I not seen him before? I know this place is massive, but you'd think in the 2 years I've spent here that I would've seen him at least _once._

We met when it was my turn for Tests. I was about to walk in when I saw the Doctors uncuffing him from the table. He looked really pale. I wonder if that's how I look after Tests? I don't blame him, they can be really painful.

I was so relieved to see someone my age here instead of those scary Doctors all the time. Tried saying hi to him, but he just ignored me! Can you believe it? I just wanted to be friends. 

The Doctors told me he's just a quiet kind of guy and not to be bothered by him. They also said it’s ‘best’ if we don't become friends. They muttered something about ‘interference in the brain waves’, don't know. It didn't make sense to me, so I just forgot what they said.

I know it’s been 2 years, but I can never get used to the Tests. Today was a quick one: they just wanted to take my blood. The numbing thing they usually inject me with wasn't as strong today for some reason, so I could feel the needle going into my arm. It really hurt. There’s this sick blue-green bruise on my arm now. It looks cool, but it hurts when I poke it. The Doctors tell me I shouldn't touch it, but I can't help it. Even though it hurts, I feel like I _need_ the pain. 

Maybe I just need to feel something. I haven't really been feeling much of anything lately.

Please write back? I know I've been asking non-stop for the past 2 years, but I really want you to write back. Even if it’s just one word or a stupid smiley face or a doodle that doesn't make sense. You can do that, right? Just one word or smiley face or doodle, and sneak out to post it to me? If you're fast, the Disease shouldn't catch you.

Dinnertime now. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, there's a letter from you waiting for me.

_Rin_

* * *

_November 11th, 2006_

_Sousuke:_

3 years and still no reply from you, huh? Has the Disease gotten so bad that you can't sneak out and post a damn letter?

… Sorry. That was rude. Look, I know we fought plenty back then, but I don't wanna fight now.

Dammit, fuck, maybe I do. Maybe I wanna scream about how unfair and lonely this has been. Maybe I wanna stab the Doctors keeping me here with the stupid flimsy plastic fork they give me for meals. Maybe I wanna tear this whole fucking place apart with my bare hands, run away, find you again and tell you how I feel about you ignoring me.

Because that’s what you've been doing, right? The reason you’ve never written back once to me was ‘cause you've been ignoring me, right? 

~~You're not dead, right?~~

No. No. Sousuke is strong. The Sousuke I know and remember is strong. He was probably an Immune that the Doctors didn't know about. It’s probably better that the Doctors didn't know about him, or he would have to go through the same painful Tests that I do.

Today’s Test was by far the worst, and that's saying something ‘cause a _lot_ of the Tests are fucking torture. Today, it was like they tore apart my body and sewed it back together. I don't think they used the numbing thing. Anesthetic, that's what they called it, I think. Either that, or it just doesn't work on me anymore. Maybe I've gotten too used to this place.

… If I get used to this place, what happens when everything’s back to normal and we do meet again on the Outside? Maybe I won't like what's Outside anymore. Maybe Outside isn't normal anymore.

Sousuke, are you still normal? But even if you stayed the way I remember you, would I recognise you? Haven't seen you in 3 years, after all. 

…

What if he's changed so much I can't recognise him? I don't want that. I want Sousuke to be the same as before. I want to go back to the way I was before.

But what was before? Is there even anything Outside? It’s been so long since I've been Outside that everyone could be dead and everything rotting for all I know.

… That's a scary thought. I'm gonna end this letter here. I don't wanna think anymore.

_Rin_

* * *

_January 7th, 2008_

Been a while since I wrote anything. Just had a thought.

What if Sousuke never even existed to begin with? What if this ‘Sousuke’ was just an imaginary friend I had created because I was lonely?

What if the world doesn't actually exist and all of this is just happening in my head?

Or what if I'm in my own head, because the real world Outside was just so terrible I had to escape?

Everything could be fake. The Disease could be fake. The Doctors could be fake. Haru could be fake.

Is this a waking nightmare? I don't even know if I'm alive, if this can be called living. I'm just sitting here in this cold grey cell, writing and feeling like I'm going mad.

Or maybe I'm actually becoming sane. Maybe I'm finally seeing the world, if there even is one, for what it really is. Perhaps _this_ is the real world, and whatever I was living in before was all fabricated in my mind.

I've never felt worse… 

But I’ve also never felt better.

* * *

_“Rin? Rin!”_

_“Haru? What are you—”_

_“Shh, I'm getting you out of here. Be quiet and follow me.”_

* * *

_February 2nd, 2008_

Haru is real. He brought me out of my cell—apparently he found a way to steal the Doctors’ keys? Pretty cool—to a secret location inside this facility. 

I think he's a ninja. We somehow managed to sneak around the security cameras to get to the place. I'm surprised, honestly, that he came to see me. Didn't think he liked me all that much.

On second thought, maybe it’s not that weird. No matter how cold and emotionless someone may be, they’re eventually gonna get lonely and start craving some kind of human contact. And we’re all each other has.

We spent hours talking. Or, well, I did most of the talking and he listened and looked bored.

At least, until I mentioned swimming.

I know it’s clichéd, but blue eyes are really pretty, especially when they light up like that. It was quite funny, actually, seeing him get all excited like a child and then immediately acting like he couldn't care less the next moment.

That guy loves swimming. And… that's when everything fell into place for me, kinda like fate. Even if we didn't end up here in this facility, I think we would’ve met eventually.

Because he and I were meant to swim together. I don't know how I know it, but I just _do._

If the Disease didn’t happen, I bet I would’ve moved to his town so I could swim with him. We would enter the world of swimming together, and we’d swim for everyone everywhere to see. I feel like there’s so much we could achieve together, if we weren’t here.

It makes me sad thinking of it, but I'm also happy ‘cause now I know he’s real. I touched his hand, just to make sure, and he didn’t pull away. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who likes to get all close with people, but maybe he needed reassurance that I was real too?

I'm buzzing from head to toe now. I don't know how I’m gonna fall asleep, but I'm gonna try.

_Rin_

* * *

_February 10th, 2008_

Man, Haru’s such a weird guy. He actually likes fish! Mackerel, to be exact. Who the hell likes fish? The smell, especially in the wet markets, is disgusting.

There are a lot of weird things about him. He can fall asleep pretty much anywhere, like a cat. He even fell asleep while I was talking to him! Rude. 

He also complains about things being troublesome, but he was the one who went through all the effort to find this secret place for us _and_ make a safe path for us to get there so we wouldn't get caught sneaking around. Talk about contradictory, right? 

And he _only_ swims free. That's so weird! There are so many swimming styles! Why box yourself in when there's so much out there to explore?

… I bet his freestyle is beautiful, though. I don't know how I know this, but I have a feeling he’d look best in water. He belongs there, more than he belongs here.

Neither of us belong here. It’s huge and cold and scary. And when the Doctors conduct their Tests, I would much rather die. I don't know how Haru bears it with his usual stoicness. Maybe he's stronger than I gave him credit for.

At this point, he's pretty much my lifeline, the only reason why I bother even trying to stay alive. Knowing that later at night I would get to meet with Haru in this secret place—that’s what's keeping me alive. The daytime is the worst moment of my life, but nighttime is the best.

I'm not gonna let him go. Wherever he goes, I’ll go too. Because I need him. Without him, I don't know how I’d live. I would destroy everything to keep him with me.

If he’s alive, then I’ll continue living.

And if he dies, I'm following right after him, because there’s nothing else in this world for me if he’s not there.

He’s mine. Mine. Mine. My Haru. 

_Rin_

* * *

_“There was someone I wanted to swim with again, once all this was over. If it would ever be over.”_

_“Who?”_

_“His name was Sousuke. Or, well, that's what I thought it was. I don't know if he was real or if I had just made him up in my mind.”_

_“… Idiot.”_

_“What?!”_

_“You wouldn’t feel so strongly about someone who wasn't real, would you?”_

* * *

_March 18th, 2008_

I need to get out of here. _We_ need to get out of here. We can't live like this anymore. They're using us to find a Cure for the Disease, 'cause we're Immune. That’s what all the Tests are for.

Or so they said, but I'm not so sure. Something feels wrong about this place. Something evil is going on and I don't like it one bit. And it’s not just me—Haru feels the same too. In fact, he was the one who told me he had a feeling something shady was going on; something beyond just Curing the Infected.

We’re going to destroy this place and get out of here. The Doctors hurt us too much, all for some horrible evil we don't know about. We’re not gonna let them do what they want with our bodies and lives.

… And I've also remembered another reason why I wanted to leave this place. There's someone I’ve almost forgotten about.

Sousuke, wait for me, okay? I promise I’ll get out of here and see you again. I’ll even introduce you to Haru, and the three of us can swim together. So please, wait for me. 

_Rin_

* * *

_March 21st, 2008_

_Sousuke:_

We have a plan. Haru did some scouting and charted our escape route. I swiped some of the Doctors’ chemicals and managed to make what’s hopefully a half-decent bomb. I just need it to be powerful enough to blow a hole through the wall, then we’ll be out of this place.

They have tasers too, for some reason. I swiped some, ‘cause you can never be safe enough.

There’s so much riding on this, I'm feeling really nervous. More nervous than I was for swimming tournaments. This is real life-or-death. If I lost a race, I could just train some more and try again next time. But if Haru and I don't make it out of here…

No, I have to think positive. We _are_ getting out of this hellhole. I have no idea what's waiting Outside, but it sure as hell has to be better than being trapped here like the Doctors’ guinea pig. All I have to do is believe in that. Haru and I are gonna make it out alive. We are.

Should be time soon. I gotta go.

I’ll see you really soon, Sousuke. That's a promise.

_Rin_

* * *

_March 21st, 2008_

Everything went wrong.

* * *

_Rin anxiously paces back and forth in front of the wall. Haru said they’re supposed to meet here. This_ is _the correct meeting place, right? Rin checks the rough map Haru sketched of the entire facility, and nods. It is, so why—_

_A muffled scream rings through the entire building. Rin’s blood freezes._

_That’s Haru. But why?_

_No time to think. Rin’s feet move on autopilot, taking him to that one place he knows for sure that horrible scream came from. His lungs burn from the exertion, but he can’t stop. Not now, when he’s so close to freedom._

_He bursts through the door of the Testing Room, and a sight he should not be seeing greets him._

_Haru, ghastly pale and bleeding on the table. The Doctors surround him with scalpels and knives and stone-cold expressions. There’s not even a trace of anger at being defied on their faces, just cool detachment as they plunge a scalpel into Haru’s bleeding chest._

_Everything else in the world vanishes. Red fills Rin’s vision as he darts forward. Blindly, he flings chemicals onto the nearest Doctors’ faces. Screams and the smell of burning flesh fill the room. He swerves out of their reach and thrusts his taser into the side of a Doctor, headbutting aside a second one approaching from behind._

_Blaring alarms cut through the pained cries, and Rin’s heart nearly sinks. Guards are on their way; they’re probably going to drag him back to his cell and leave Haru to bleed out and die on the table. That, or they’ll kill him too. He hopes for the latter. After all, there’s no saving Haru now, so what’s the point in—_

_“Rin.”_

_A weak gasp of his name comes from the table. Forcefully, Rin pulls himself out of his own mind, shoves aside the remaining Doctors, and stumbles over to where Haru is._

_“Haru…” Tears sting Rin’s eyes as his trembling hands touch the bleeding wounds on Haru’s chest. Too many, there are far too many of them for him to tend to. “How could you—what happened?”_

_“Got caught,” Haru mutters. “Sorry.”_

_Rin knows it’s not likely, but he has to ask anyway. “Is there anything I can do to save you?”_

_“Probably not. But that’s not important right now—”_

_“What do you mean ‘it’s not important’?!” Rin yells, his voice breaking on the last syllable. “We said we’d get out of here together. If you’re gonna just—just_ let _yourself die, I won't allow it. I’ll save you. I don't know how, but I’ll find a way.”_

_“Rin,” Haru says, sounding impatient. “Will you shut up and listen to me for a moment?”_

_“Not until_ you _listen to_ me. _I’m not going anywhere without you. There’s nothing for me if you’re not there too.” Through the haze of tears in his eyes, Rin blindly reaches for something, anything he can use to take him to where Haru is going. “If you’re not gonna stay with me, then I’ll go to along with—”_

_With far more strength than a dying guy should have, Haru seizes Rin’s wrist._

_And drags Rin down on top of him, until their bodies and lips are pressed together. Rin jerks sharply, but Haru keeps his body and lips against his own. His shaky hands slide down Rin’s hips, dip under the hem of his white gown and—_

_Rin gasps when something smooth and cool, larger than a hand, slips into his underwear. Haru leaves it there, his hands sliding back out to pull the hem back down over his thighs._

_Haru breaks the kiss but pulls Rin even closer, until his ear is right beside Haru’s mouth._

_“They’ve already found a Cure,” Haru murmurs. His lips brush over the shell of Rin’s ear, making it look like a kiss if you’re looking from afar. “They’re gonna sell it off at a ridiculously high price. Anyone left alive won't be able to afford it, and those who can won't share it with those who need it. The Doctors’ goal was never to save anyone. At least, not without gaining something out of it for themselves.”_

_Rin swallows hard. “So you want me to—”_

_Haru nods. “You're the only one who can.”_

_Fresh tears fill Rin’s eyes. “You're not…? We said we’re gonna swim together.”_

_“Sorry. But—” A small smile quirks at Haru’s lips. That’s the first time Rin has ever seen him smile. Of course the first time he’s seen Haru smile would also be the last time. “There’s someone you want to swim with again, right? So you have to continue living for him.”_

_Sousuke. That’s right, Rin promised Sousuke in the letters he wrote that they would meet again._

_And Rin never goes back on his promises._

_“Okay.” Rin nods. He's about to pull himself back up—but then he glances back down at Haru’s face, which is rapidly losing colour. He hesitates, before leaning down to quickly kiss him again._

_“Rin?”_

_Rin pulls away and raises himself back up to his full height, turning around. “I love you, idiot. Don’t forget that, okay?”_

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_When Rin risks another glance behind him, he sees Haru completely still on the table. Red drips down onto the floor in a steady rhythm, as if to make up for the lack of movement in his chest._

_Rin refuses to let the tears come. He’s cried enough already—and he has something he needs to do now._

* * *

_Rin stumbles through the higher levels of the facility, on a single-minded course to the room at the end of the hallway. In all honesty, it’s a miracle he hasn’t gotten caught yet. Maybe that kiss with Haru was some sort of good luck charm. Who knows?_

_He glances down at the sheaf of papers Haru had shoved into his pants before he died. This is it; this is the room where the Cure is. Attached is the card-key, which he swipes across the scanner, and the door slides open._

_The room is bare, save for a box in the center labelled ‘Do not touch unless authorised to do so’ and a stack of envelopes in a corner._

_A stack of oddly familiar-looking envelopes._

_Rin’s heart plummets to his gut. No way, are those…?_

_He knows he should be grabbing the Cure and getting out of here, but he can't stop his feet from dashing over to the stack. He knocks it over in his hurry, though he ignores the mess in favour of grabbing the closest one and ripping it open._

_And his heart turns to ice when he reads the date on it._

_February 3rd, 2003_

_No. No way. His chest constricts around the emptiness inside it as he tears through the others, desperate to find one he doesn’t recognise._

_But all of them are in his handwriting. All the letters he’s written from the first day he was here, save for the more recent ones because he didn't want to risk the Doctors finding them, are all spread out before him._

_Sousuke never even knew he was here. Sousuke probably thought he had just upped and vanished without a trace. Or died. Did Sousuke know Rin was Immune prior to the Doctors taking him away? Rin doesn't know. Not that it matters anymore._

_A delirious laugh tears out of his throat, then two, and three, and four, until he’s doubled over and consumed by insanity. There was never any hope for him in this crapsack world to begin with, was there? He was an idiot for thinking he could ever get what he wanted. But no, he was just a means to an end, another body in the pile of bodies once the people who had needed him were through with him._

_Footsteps pound on the floor and guards storm into the room, but Rin doesn't care. He continues laughing brokenly, surrounded by shredded paper and his heart, an unmoving and equally ruined mess on the floor._

_The guards cock their guns. Well, of course they would. Now that the Doctors have found a cure, there’s no need for him anymore. Rin doesn't have any need for himself anymore. He turns around, spreading his arms wide to make himself a bigger target._

_“Go ahead. Shoot me.” His voice rings empty and hollow even to himself._

_He closes his eyes and braces for impact. He wonders who he’ll meet first on the other side. Hopefully not Haru, because he doesn't want to apologise so soon after dying. Maybe his family? That would be nice—they succumbed to the Disease shortly before he was taken away, his sister being the last one standing._

_But instead of a bullet right through his heart, shouts of a scuffle reach his ears instead. Confused, he opens his eyes and—_

_“Haru?!”_

_Rin’s eyes must be playing tricks on him. There’s no way Haru, with blood dripping down from his body to the floor around him, has a guard tackled beneath him._

_“I told you to go, didn't I?” Haru snaps, then grunts as the guard beneath him kicks him off._

_“I—I thought you were dead!”_

_Haru just barely manages to roll away, and a bullet lands right where his head was moments ago. “I was faking it so you’d go.”_

_“There’s no way you could’ve dragged yourself up here with how badly wounded you are!” Rin cries out, desperate to hold on to any shred of sanity he has left._

_“Miracles happen, I don't know. Just take the damn Cure and go!”_

_This time, Rin doesn't hesitate. He pushes himself up from the ground and grabs the box, diving as bullets sail over his head. He pulls it close to his chest, then glances back at Haru._

_Who’s lying in a pool of his own blood, with guards and their guns forming a circle around him. He’s groaning and whimpering. Rin spots a bullet in his arm. Another in his calf, and a third right through his palm._

_“Haru!” he screams._

_Haru’s lips move, forming three words Rin never gets to hear because the sound of multiple guns firing at the same time drowns him out._

_Rin has to go. He can't bear to watch his friend die again—he knows this time Haru won't be faking it._

_Covered in tears and blood, he jumps out of the window and catches himself on a branch outside. Carefully, he shimmies down until he hits the ground, rolling himself upright._

_He can see the gates from here. There’s no one around. Just on the other side is the Outside, the Outside he’s been yearning to reunite with for the longest time._

_But somehow, this doesn’t feel like freedom, not when he left his heart behind in the room on the highest floor of the facility._

* * *

_April 8th, 2008_

_Sousuke:_

It feels like I'm the last person left alive on Earth. Everything is just so… quiet. The only life I’ve seen in the past few weeks I’ve been wandering around are several birds and a stray dog. The birds weren't very friendly, so I made them my dinner. The dog was cute, so I took her in. Her name’s Winnie. I’ve always wanted to name a dog that, if I ever got one. I just never imagined it would actually happen, let alone in a post-apocalyptic world.

You know, Haru died so I could escape and give the Cure to those who needed it. But I haven’t found anyone who needed the Cure. The only humans I've seen were all dead in their homes or on the sidewalks. This box is so heavy, I just want to leave it somewhere. Then I’ll probably join the corpses on the street.

… No, I can't die yet. Haru died so I could be free, even if it doesn’t feel like freedom without him here.

Did I tell you that he kissed me? Sure, it was probably to hide the fact that he was sneaking me the papers about the Cure’s whereabouts… but still. He kissed me.

I don't know if I loved him or if I _loved-_ loved him. It’s strange and confusing. We were all each other had, so I guess it’s natural that we had strong feelings for each other. Perhaps if we had never been trapped in the facility together but instead met on the Outside the way people normally do, I wouldn’t feel this way. Nor would we have kissed. 

Or maybe we would have. I don't know. It’s too late to be wondering about that, though. What matters is that Haru was someone important to me. I wish you could’ve met him. I think you two would have…

Actually, on second thought, I don’t think you two would’ve gotten along. You're both too similar: quiet, kinda cold, and stubborn.

But I like to think that eventually, you two would've gotten along. Or at least not hate each other’s guts. And we would all swim together on the global stage.

… I should really stop playing the Imagination Game. Every time I do, it makes me wish I had followed Haru instead.

I'm not gonna do that anymore. I won't let Haru’s death be in vain. I have the Cure, so what I need to focus on now is finding other people, and then rebuilding this world.

I’m terrified, Sousuke. There’s still so much about the Outside I don’t know about. I don’t even know if there’s anyone else alive, or if I'm really the last human walking this planet.

But I have to try. Because I promised him I would. 

_Rin_

* * *

_January 8th, 2009_

_Sousuke:_

In this past year, I’ve managed to find several others afflicted with the Disease, and I Cured them. One of them was a doctor (not a Doctor—there’s an important distinction), thank god. Her name’s Hinako-sensei. I showed her the papers Haru had swiped about the Cure, and she was able to replicate it. _And_ for free too. She said the first priority is making sure people are alive; she’d worry about the money once everything was rebuilt. She’s a good person. I'm glad I saved her.

The people I saved—they’ve joined me on my travels. Said something about ‘repaying’ me by helping me to spread the Cure. I don't think I need the repayment, but I do appreciate the help given. I'm just glad and surprised I was able to find anyone to save at all.

This year really was full of surprises, because I also never imagined I would meet another Immune, let alone two.

Their names are Natsuya-san and Ikuya. They’re brothers. Natsuya-san’s the older, more outgoing one, and Ikuya’s the younger and quieter one. He's our age. 

They escaped from their facility not long ago, and with the Cure the Doctors in theirs had made. I thought the Doctors were all from the same organisation, but Natsuya-san said theirs and mine were from rivalling ones, and they were competing to see who could make the Cure first and make more money off it. Capitalism is ridiculous, isn't it? 

(Natsuya-san taught me the word ‘capitalism’. He's really smart and knows a lot about the world.)

The Cure from their organisation is a little different from mine, but Hinako-sensei said both work just fine. It’s a lot of scientific crap I don't get, but as long as it Cures people then I'm happy.

Natsuya-san and Ikuya have joined our little party. I'm starting to feel more hopeful now. Just a year ago, this would’ve been unthinkable. I really thought I would die alone on this barren planet, but now I have a whole party of people helping me save what’s left of this Earth.

There’s still a long, daunting road ahead of us. But I'm not scared anymore, because I'm no longer on my own. So wherever you are, if you're still alive, don't give up. There's still hope for this world.

_Rin_

* * *

_“An old friend?” Natsuya asks, raising an eyebrow._

_Rin nods, smiling wryly. “Yeah. My plan was to find him and swim with him again once I escaped. But seeing the state the world is in, I guess that plan’s on hold. Besides, I don't know where he is, let alone if he even is alive.”_

_“Huh. What was that guy’s name?”_

_“I doubt you know him, since he was from Sano and you were from Iwatobi, but his name’s Sousuke. Yamazaki Sousuke.”_

_Natsuya and Ikuya’s eyes widen at the same time. They glance at each other, exchanging a conversation entirely through eye contact._

_“What?” Rin asks, frowning._

_Natsuya winces. “It’s just… we knew that guy. From our facility._

_“And… we think he’s most probably dead by now.”_

* * *

_July 14th, 2013_

_Sousuke:_

I know, it’s been four years since I wrote anything. It hurt too much. But… I don't know. I guess I just missed you too much. Maybe it’s because I'm back here in our hometown. Natsuya-san, Ikuya, Hinako-sensei and the rest are combing through the town looking for people to cure. I'm sitting on a makeshift bench on the outskirts of town; it hurts too much to go inside and see the dead faces of people who were once my neighbours ten years ago.

You made it out of the facility, didn't you, when Natsuya-san and Ikuya took you along? I know what they said, that you guys were chased and there was a huge commotion and too much blood, but I want to believe you at least made it to the Outside.

Maybe I should give up. I’ve been hanging on to the hope that you somehow made it out alive for the past four years, but they tell me I should give up. That it’s not healthy to stay fixated on someone who’s most probably dead. I’ve seen firsthand what bullets can do, when too many of them are buried in a person’s body. And I've been searching for far too long. They’re probably right and you’re probably dead, and I'm just setting myself up for disappointment when we do eventually come across your dead body.

But I still wish you were here. That you survived with Natsuya-san and Ikuya. That you got to see my letters. There were so many left behind in the facility. They’re most likely gone by now. Heard the facility was blown up last year by some anti-capitalists that I had probably saved. I don't know. Either way, you’ll never get to read the letters that never got sent. I was a fool to think they would really reach you.

There’s a haunting sort of beauty in the desolate ruin of our hometown. Well, aside from the dead bodies of the people we didn't manage to save in time. 

But the greenery here is thriving. I’d never seen so many plants in our town, let alone in the whole world. Animals are prowling the streets, clearing the corpses and exploring. So this is what the world looks like without humans ruining it. I wonder what you’d think if you were here.

Oh hey, there’s a guy here. I don't think I recognise him. He's probably not one of the people we saved, because most of them joined our group. Maybe he's another escaped Immune?

It’s a little hard to tell from the distance, but he looks tall. Dark-haired. Has a stern expression looking right at

  
  
  


Me.

Wait. 

Is that… 

* * *

_“… Sousuke?”_

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if you enjoyed this please comment and kudos, if you'd like to! :)
> 
> here's my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat with me


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